Your Cart is Empty
In this episode, we explore what co-regulation really is, why it’s acritical foundation for emotional development, and how occupational therapists, parents, and educators can use it to support kids and adults alike. You’ll learn why co-regulation ismore than just a buzzword, and how to intentionally use it in your daily life and practice.
What co-regulation is and why it’s essential for developing self-regulation
The science behind co-regulation: nervous system syncing, polyvagal theory, and mirror neurons
Why co-regulation is vital fortherapeutic success in occupational therapy sessions
5 practical strategies to co-regulate with kids and clients effectively
Recommended tools and products to make co-regulation fun and engaging
All Things Sensory Podcast Instagram
https://harkla.co/collections/courses
Sleep Crash Course Webinar Sign Up
Hoberman Sphere (Breathing Ball)
Projector Lamps (Galaxy or Starry Sky)
You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, dysregulated, or simply exhausted, it’s nearly impossible to help your child manage their emotions effectively. This is the foundation of co-regulation—the process where a calm, regulated adult helps a child manage their big feelings and return to a balanced emotional state.
At Harkla, we know this is easier said than done—especially for parents or professionals working with children who experience frequent sensory meltdowns, emotional dysregulation, or developmental delays. That’s why we’re diving deep into what co-regulation is, why it matters, and how you can start practicing it today.
Co-regulation is the process of two nervous systems syncing—where one person (typically the adult) helps regulate another person's (the child’s) emotional and physiological state. In practical terms, this means you model calmness, provide a sense of safety, and offer guidance as your child moves through difficult emotions.
Children—especially those with autism, ADHD, or sensory processing challenges—aren’t born with the ability to regulate their emotions. Self-regulation requires well-developed executive functioning, which resides in the prefrontal cortex of the brain.
That part of the brain doesn’t fully mature until a person’s mid-20s. This means that toddlers, preschoolers, and even young teens often rely on the adults around them to co-regulate first—before they can eventually self-regulate.
Before you can help your child feel safe and calm, you need to feel safe and calm.
“If you haven’t taken care of your own needs, there’s no way you’re going to be successful with co-regulating.”
Here’s the hard truth: if your nervous system is already in fight-or-flight mode, your child will pick up on it through mirror neurons, which are brain cells that mimic the emotional state of others. In other words, your child is likely to match your dysregulation.
Did I sleep well last night?
Have I eaten or hydrated today?
Have I moved my body or gotten fresh air?
Am I feeling safe, supported, and grounded?
If the answer is no to most of these, take a moment to breathe. You’re not failing—you’re human. Start with regulating yourself, then show up for your child.
Let’s walk through some research-backed, therapist-approved co-regulation strategies. These work at home, in the clinic, or anywhere a meltdown might happen.
You are your child’s calm in the storm. When they are out of control, they need to feel your steady presence.
Take a deep breath before responding.
Use a grounding tool like a vibration plate, weighted lap pad, or even a few calming sips of water.
Don’t engage in power struggles. Focus on staying connected.
Try This: Say out loud, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m going to take a breath so I can help you better.” This models emotional awareness and regulation.
When a child is dysregulated, they’re not processing language effectively. Skip the lectures and focus on body cues:
Lower your body to their level.
Keep a soft, neutral face.
Move slowly and quietly.
Avoid towering postures or fast gestures.
A calm presence can be more powerful than words.
Children feel more regulated when they know what’s coming next. Build routines and use visual supports like:
Visual schedules.
First/Then boards.
Sensory-friendly calendars.
And always ensure their environment feels safe—emotionally and physically.
Pro Tip: Create a calm down corner at home or in the classroom using soft pillows, fidgets, low lighting, and sensory tools. This gives your child a designated safe space when big emotions arise.
Sensory input like deep pressure, rocking, or crossing the midline can help calm the nervous system. Some helpful activities include:
Compression swing time.
Crawling or animal walks.
Pushing heavy objects.
Vibration input (e.g., with a Z-Vibe or vibrating cushion).
Avoid jumping straight to screen time when emotions run high. Instead, offer a movement-based or sensory-rich regulation strategy.
Your child learns from what you do, not just what you say.
Label your emotions out loud: “I’m frustrated. I’m going to take a walk.”
Demonstrate tools: “I’m hopping on my vibe plate to calm down.”
Use the Zones of Regulation for yourself before teaching it to your child.
Let them see you using strategies so they feel empowered to do the same.
All feelings are valid—even anger, sadness, and frustration. Don’t rush to fix your child’s emotions. Instead, co-regulate through them.
“You’re really upset. That’s okay. I’m here.”
“Let me know when you’re ready for a hug.”
“It’s okay to be mad. Let’s find a safe way to show that.”
This shows your child that emotions aren’t “bad”—but there are safe and unsafe ways to express them.
While you are your child’s greatest tool, sometimes having a few sensory supports can help. Here are a few Harkla-approved favorites to enhance co-regulation:
For Sensory Corners:
Compression Swing – Deep pressure + movement = calming combo.
Weighted Stuffed Animal or Lap Pad – Grounding and comforting.
Projector Lamp – Soft visuals for calming stimulation.
For On-the-Go:
Glow Pal Cubes – Light-up sensory play.
Webe Kalm – Encourages deep breathing.
Meditation Drums – Auditory regulation without overstimulation.
Don’t forget: You don’t need fancy equipment to co-regulate. A safe space, a calm voice, and an open heart go a long way.
Co-regulation is not about being a perfect parent or therapist—it’s about being a present, regulated adult who models healthy emotional responses. Every meltdown is an opportunity to connect, teach, and empower your child to build lifelong emotional resilience.
When you prioritize your own regulation, you give your child the gift of co-regulation—and set the foundation for self-regulation.
BORING, BUT NECESSARY LEGAL DISCLAIMERS
While we make every effort to share correct information, we are still learning. We will double check all of our facts but realize that medicine is a constantly changing science & art. One doctor / therapist may have a different way of doing things from another. We are simply presenting our views & opinions on how to address common sensory challenges, health related difficulties & what we have found to be beneficial that will be as evidenced based as possible. By listening to this podcast, you agree not to use this podcast as medical advice to treat any medical condition in either yourself or your children. Consult your child’s pediatrician/ therapist for any medical issues that he or she may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the podcast. Under no circumstances shall Rachel Harrington, Harkla, Jessica Hill, or any guests or contributors to the podcast, as well as any employees, associates, or affiliates of Harkla, be responsible for damages arising from use of the podcast.
Keep in mind that we may receive commissions when you click our links & make purchases. However, this does not impact our reviews & comparisons. We try our best to keep things fair & balanced, in order to help you make the best choice for you.
This podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast.
Comments will be approved before showing up.
