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Is your child refusing sensory play youknow would help them? You’re not alone — and it doesn’t always mean they’re being “defiant.” 💡
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why kids say “no” to sensory activities
How rapport & co-regulation make a difference
When hunger, sleep, or illness affect behavior
Simple ways to modify activities so kids succeed
We’re so glad you’re here and can’t wait to hang out with you again next week! 🌈
If your child avoids swings, messy play, or other sensory activities, it doesn’t always mean they’re being “difficult.” Refusal is often a form of communication and understanding thewhy can help you better support them. 💡
In this episode, we break down the common reasons kids refuse sensory play and what you can do about it. You’ll hear why rapport and co-regulation matter, how basic needs like hunger or fatigue impact behavior, and what it might mean when kids with low self-esteem or motor planning challenges say “no.” We also share simple strategies for modifying activities, using play and interests to spark engagement, and even why letting kids respectfully refuse can build trust and confidence.
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Sensory activities are foundational in both pediatric occupational therapy and everyday home routines. From crashing into pillows to swinging in a sensory swing, these hands-on experiences support self-regulation, attention, and motor skill development.
But what do you do when a child refuses the very activity you know could help them thrive? This kind of resistance is more common than you might think—and it often signals something deeper than simple defiance.
When a child says "no" to an activity, it's rarely about defiance. Refusal is a form of communication, especially for children with limited verbal abilities or sensory sensitivities.
Here are some of the reasons a child might avoid sensory play:
Their basic needs aren’t met: A child who is hungry, tired, overstimulated, or in pain (think teething or ear infection) may appear resistant but is actually signaling discomfort.
They feel unsafe or unsure: Without trust and rapport, a child won’t feel safe enough to explore new challenges.
They don’t know how: Difficulty with motor planning can make activities feel overwhelming. If a child doesn't understand how to perform the movement, refusal becomes a protective response.
They have low self-esteem: After repeated failures or challenges, some children develop a fear of trying. They may avoid activities simply to protect their self-confidence.
Always assume that refusal is a message. Your job is to decode it with empathy.
Before jumping into a sensory task, pause. Ask yourself:Have I built a connection yet?
Whether you're a therapist or a parent, rapport is the foundation of participation. That means:
Getting down on the child's level.
Using their communication style (including AAC if needed).
Asking how their day is going.
Following their lead in play before introducing structure.
Children do best when they feel seen and heard. As pediatric OTAs Rachel Harrington and Jessica Hill put it: "They're not going to do that if they don’t like us, if they don’t trust us, if they don’t have fun in therapy."
If a child refuses an activity, don’t toss out the plan—tweak it.
Use the"Just Right Challenge" framework:
Change the Intensity: Instead of finger-painting, offer a spoon or tool to explore the texture first.
Change the Duration: Start with 10 seconds of exposure instead of a full activity block.
Change the Context: Pair the activity with a preferred toy or theme (e.g., hiding Bluey figures in a bin of shaving cream).
Change the Engagement: Do the activity yourself first. Demonstrate. Invite curiosity.
OT Tip: If you won’t do the activity yourself (like getting messy or swinging), it might be worth rethinking the approach. Children thrive on co-regulation.
Kids need autonomy. Presenting a child with options fosters confidence and reduces power struggles.
Try:
Offering 2-3 activity choices.
Letting them bring a toy from home.
Allowing them to say "no" respectfully.
Teach expected ways to decline an activity, especially for children with limited communication skills. This can be through words, gestures, visuals, or AAC.
Respecting a child’s "no"—while gently guiding them toward progress—builds trust and long-term engagement.
Progress in pediatric therapy is rarely linear. That’s why it’s essential to notice and celebrate the little victories:
A child who used to scream at the sight of shaving cream now looks at it calmly.
A non-speaking child points to a swing they previously avoided.
A child touches glue on your hand but not their own.
These micro-moments matter. They build toward larger therapeutic goals and give families hope.
Refusal isn’t failure. It’s feedback.
By meeting children where they are—emotionally, physically, and developmentally—you can transform challenging sessions into empowering ones. Build trust, adjust expectations, and stay playful.
Most importantly, be patient. Every child wants to succeed and when we respond with empathy, creativity, and consistency, we give them the chance to do just that.
BORING, BUT NECESSARY LEGAL DISCLAIMERS
While we make every effort to share correct information, we are still learning. We will double check all of our facts but realize that medicine is a constantly changing science & art. One doctor / therapist may have a different way of doing things from another. We are simply presenting our views & opinions on how to address common sensory challenges, health related difficulties & what we have found to be beneficial that will be as evidenced based as possible. By listening to this podcast, you agree not to use this podcast as medical advice to treat any medical condition in either yourself or your children. Consult your child’s pediatrician/ therapist for any medical issues that he or she may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the podcast. Under no circumstances shall Rachel Harrington, Harkla, Jessica Hill, or any guests or contributors to the podcast, as well as any employees, associates, or affiliates of Harkla, be responsible for damages arising from use of the podcast.
Keep in mind that we may receive commissions when you click our links & make purchases. However, this does not impact our reviews & comparisons. We try our best to keep things fair & balanced, in order to help you make the best choice for you.
This podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast.
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