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Understanding Emotional Intelligence and the Connection to the Sensory System
As COTAs, one of the things we’ve worked on with a lot of our clients is emotional intelligence - the ability to identify one’s emotions (and emotions in others). This is oftentimes VERY difficult for children! But emotional intelligence is a vital piece of the puzzle when it comes to self-regulation and social interactions.
Today we talk all about the WHY and the HOW, plus we give you our favorite ways to improve emotional intelligence in your child(ren), your clients, or your students!
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NEW Infant & Toddler Sensory Development Digital Course
All Things Sensory Podcast Instagram
Ep 99 Interview with Creator of the Zones
Psychology Today - Emotional Intelligence
Games to Teach Emotional Skills
Sensational Brain Free Checklists
Understanding Emotional Intelligence And The Connection To The Sensory System
Emotional intelligence plays a critical role in a child’s ability to understand, manage, and express their emotions in a healthy way. It affects everything from friendships and school interactions to problem-solving skills and self-regulation.
But what happens when a child struggles in this area? Let’s explore what emotional intelligence is, why it matters, and how you can support your child in developing these important skills.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to:
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Recognize and name their own emotions.
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Manage their emotions to achieve the desired outcome.
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Understand how situations and people affect emotions.
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Control emotions in social settings.
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Identify emotions in others through facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice.
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Develop empathy and social awareness.
Children learn emotional intelligence through everyday experiences, such as playing with friends, resolving conflicts, observing their caregivers, and receiving guidance on how to process emotions. However, some children may struggle with these skills, making social interactions and emotional regulation more challenging.
Signs Your Child May Be Struggling With Emotional Intelligence
While it’s normal for toddlers and young children to experience meltdowns as they learn to manage their emotions, older children should gradually develop emotional regulation skills. If your child consistently struggles with the following, they may need extra support in this area:
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Frequent outbursts for small problems: Getting extremely angry or upset over minor inconveniences (e.g., a toy breaking or a change in plans).
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Difficulty calming down independently: Even with practice, they struggle to self-soothe when upset.
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Trouble identifying emotions: Difficulty understanding their own emotions or recognizing emotions in others.
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Challenges in social situations: Difficulty making and keeping friends, engaging in conversations, or resolving conflicts appropriately.
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Frustration with problem-solving: Giving up easily or having a meltdown when faced with a difficult school assignment or task.
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Perfectionism: Becoming extremely distressed when things don’t go exactly as planned.
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Lack of empathy or perspective-taking: Difficulty understanding how their actions impact others or lack concern for others' feelings.
It’s important to note that challenges with emotional intelligence are often seen in children with differences, such as sensory processing disorder (SPD), autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). However, any child—diagnosed or not—can struggle with emotional intelligence and benefit from targeted support.
How To Help Your Child Develop Emotional Intelligence
If your child struggles with emotional intelligence, there are many ways you can help them strengthen these skills. Below are research-backed strategies that promote emotional awareness, regulation, and social understanding.
1. Use Structured Emotional Intelligence Programs
There are excellent programs designed to help children learn emotional regulation, such as:
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Zones of Regulation – A widely used program that teaches children to categorize their emotions into different "zones" and use coping strategies to regulate them.
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How Does Your Engine Run? – A self-regulation program that helps children understand how their energy levels and emotions impact their behavior.
These programs can be used at home, in school, or during therapy sessions to help children gain better emotional awareness.
2. Teach Emotional Awareness Through Social Stories
Social stories are short, simple narratives that help children understand social situations and emotions. For example, you can create a story about a child who feels frustrated when they lose a game and learns a healthy way to cope.
3. Address Sensory And Primitive Reflex Integration
Sometimes, difficulty with emotional regulation stems from sensory processing challenges or retained primitive reflexes. If your child has difficulty processing sensory input (e.g., being overwhelmed by loud noises or avoiding certain textures), their nervous system may struggle to regulate emotions effectively.
Ways To Help:
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Provide sensory input tailored to your child’s needs (e.g., deep pressure activities, movement breaks).
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Look into primitive reflex integration exercises to help build foundational motor and cognitive skills.
4. Play Games That Teach Emotional Intelligence
Games are a great way to help kids develop emotional regulation and social skills in a fun, low-pressure way. Such as:
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Guess Who? – Helps children identify facial expressions and social cues.
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Charades – Encourages kids to recognize emotions through body language.
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Jenga (Emotion Edition) – Write different emotions on the blocks; when a child pulls a block, they describe a time they felt that way.
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Kerplunk & Don’t Break The Ice – Teaches frustration tolerance and patience.
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How Big Is The Problem? – Helps kids learn the difference between small and big problems and how to respond appropriately.
5. Model And Reinforce Emotional Regulation
Children learn emotional intelligence by watching the adults in their lives. If you stay calm and use problem-solving language, your child is more likely to do the same.
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Label Emotions: Instead of saying “Calm down,” try “I see you’re frustrated because your toy broke. That must be really disappointing.”
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Use Perspective-Taking: Ask, “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”
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Teach Self-Talk: Show them how to use positive self-talk, like “I can try again” or “I can take a deep breath and keep going.”
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Praise Emotional Regulation: Acknowledge when your child manages emotions well: “You were really patient when waiting your turn. That was awesome!”
Final Thoughts
Helping your child develop emotional intelligence takes time, practice, and patience. However, structured programs, social stories, sensory strategies, and play-based learning can give your child the tools they need to recognize, manage, and express emotions effectively.
BORING, BUT NECESSARY LEGAL DISCLAIMERS
While we make every effort to share correct information, we are still learning. We will double check all of our facts but realize that medicine is a constantly changing science and art. One doctor / therapist may have a different way of doing things from another. We are simply presenting our views and opinions on how to address common sensory challenges, health related difficulties and what we have found to be beneficial that will be as evidenced based as possible. By listening to this podcast, you agree not to use this podcast as medical advice to treat any medical condition in either yourself or your children. Consult your child’s pediatrician/ therapist for any medical issues that he or she may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the podcast. Under no circumstances shall Rachel Harrington, Harkla, Jessica Hill, or any guests or contributors to the podcast, as well as any employees, associates, or affiliates of Harkla, be responsible for damages arising from use of the podcast.
Keep in mind that we may receive commissions when you click our links and make purchases. However, this does not impact our reviews and comparisons. We try our best to keep things fair and balanced, in order to help you make the best choice for you.
This podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast.
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