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There are a few phrases I hear over and over again from parents, usually right after they’ve tried everything and nothing worked. If you’ve ever been told things like “they just need more discipline” or “they’ll grow out of it,” this episode is for you.
In this episode, I share my perspective as a certified occupational therapy assistant and primitive reflex clinical specialist, reacting to common parenting advice I hear all the time. This isn’t about calling that advice wrong. It’s about understanding what might be missing when we don’t consider a child’s sensory system and nervous system.
I’ll walk through familiar phrases like “ignore it and it’ll stop,” “they just need to get used to it,” and “all kids need the same routines,” and explain why these approaches can sometimes fall short. I share how behavior is often rooted in regulation, how sensory needs shape a child’s response to everyday situations, and why the same strategy can work for one child and completely backfire for another.
Throughout the episode, you’ll hear practical reframes that help shift from reacting to behavior to understanding what the nervous system actually needs. I also share how I filter parenting advice as an OT, including the questions I ask before recommending any strategy and why trusting what you’re seeing in your own child matters more than following one-size-fits-all advice.
This conversation is a reminder that most parenting advice isn’t wrong, it’s just incomplete. When you start looking at your child through a sensory lens, things begin to make a lot more sense.
Thanks for listening 🩷
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When your child is struggling—whether it’s meltdowns, biting, or refusing to participate in everyday activities—it’s natural to seek advice. But here’s the challenge: Not all parenting advice considers a child’s nervous system.
If your child has sensory processing differences, ADHD, autism, or retained primitive reflexes, traditional advice like“they just need more discipline” may not only be ineffective—it can actually make things harder. In this article, we’re breaking down five common parenting phrases and exploring what an occupational therapy (OT) lens tells us to do instead—so you can support your child with confidence and compassion.
Before we dive in, let’s reframe one important concept:
Behavior is communication.
When a child is dysregulated, overwhelmed, or sensory-seeking, their behavior is often a signal from the nervous system, not a choice to misbehave. Research in child development and neurobiology shows that co-regulation and emotional safety are foundational before a child can access reasoning or self-control (Porges, 2011; Siegel, 2012).
That means instead of asking,“how do I stop this behavior?”We ask“what is my child’s nervous system telling me?”
This phrase assumes the child is choosing to misbehave. But many children—especially those with sensory sensitivities—are reacting to overstimulation or discomfort.
For example:
A child overwhelmed by loud hand dryers in a public bathroom.
A child melting down in a crowded, noisy store.
In these moments, discipline doesn’t teach—it overwhelms further. As discussed in the podcast, forcing compliance in these situations rarely works and can increase anxiety.
Focus on regulation first.
Try:
Getting down to your child’s level.
Speaking calmly and simply.
Offering support before correction.
Practical Strategies:
Use noise-reducing headphones in loud environments
Model the behavior without forcing participation
Allow gradual exposure at your child’s pace
Why this works: A regulated nervous system is more open to learning and participation.
Ignoring behaviors can work only if the behavior is attention-seeking. But many behaviors—like biting, chewing, or crashing—are actually sensory-seeking.
Ignoring these behaviors doesn’t remove the need—it often intensifies it.
Replace, don’t remove. If a child is biting:
Don’t just ignore.
Provide a safe alternative.
Examples:
Chewy tubes or oral sensory tools.
Crunchy or sour snacks (like frozen fruit).
Vibrating oral tools.
As highlighted in the podcast, children need a safe “yes” option rather than just hearing “no” .
Why this works: You’re meeting the sensory need in an appropriate way.
While some children do outgrow challenges, waiting can delay critical support. Early childhood is a period of rapid brain development, making it thebest time for intervention.
For example:
Torticollis (tight neck muscles).
Speech delays.
Motor skill challenges.
Delaying support may lead to compensations and bigger challenges later.
Trust your instincts and seek support early.
If you’re noticing:
Delays in milestones.
Persistent sensory challenges.
Difficulty with regulation.
Consider:
Occupational therapy.
Speech therapy.
Early intervention programs.
As emphasized in the podcast, advocating for your child—even when told to “wait”—is critical .
Why this works: Early intervention leads to better long-term outcomes (CDC, AOTA).
This advice often leads to forced exposure, which can increase fear and dysregulation.
Imagine:
Loud fire alarms.
Scratchy clothing.
Bright fluorescent lights.
For a child with sensory sensitivities, these aren’t minor annoyances—they can feel overwhelming.
Support, don’t force.
Try:
Gradual exposure (at the child’s pace).
Providing accommodations.
Addressing underlying sensory needs.
Examples:
Noise-canceling headphones for loud environments.
Seamless clothing for tactile sensitivities.
Sensory breaks throughout the day.
Why this works: Safety and predictability help the brain adapt—not forced exposure.
While routines are helpful, not all children thrive on the same schedule.
Some children:
Need more downtime.
Become overwhelmed with too many activities.
Struggle with rigid expectations.
As mentioned in the podcast, a packed schedule can lead to increased dysregulation and burnout .
Create a flexible, individualized routine.
Ask:
Is this schedule working for my child?
Are they regulated or overwhelmed?
Where can we simplify?
Ideas:
Reduce extracurricular activities.
Build in daily sensory breaks.
Adjust sleep routines based on your child’s needs.
Why this works: A regulated child can engage, learn, and connect more effectively.
If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this:
Connection and regulation always come before correction.
When we shift from:
Control → Understanding
Discipline → Support
Compliance → Connection
We create an environment where children can truly thrive.
BORING, BUT NECESSARY LEGAL DISCLAIMERS
While we make every effort to share correct information, we are still learning. We will double check all of our facts but realize that medicine is a constantly changing science & art. One doctor / therapist may have a different way of doing things from another. We are simply presenting our views & opinions on how to address common sensory challenges, health related difficulties & what we have found to be beneficial that will be as evidenced based as possible. By listening to this podcast, you agree not to use this podcast as medical advice to treat any medical condition in either yourself or your children. Consult your child’s pediatrician/ therapist for any medical issues that he or she may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the podcast. Under no circumstances shall Rachel Harrington, Harkla, Jessica Hill, or any guests or contributors to the podcast, as well as any employees, associates, or affiliates of Harkla, be responsible for damages arising from use of the podcast.
Keep in mind that we may receive commissions when you click our links & make purchases. However, this does not impact our reviews & comparisons. We try our best to keep things fair & balanced, in order to help you make the best choice for you.
This podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast.
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